Tanya's Cancer Blog
February 22, 2007
I had my app. with the pulmonary thoracic surgeon today, and turns out that my freakin’ lung nodule actually is not calcified. Which means it’s growing, or just grew. I think when I spoke to the nurse about the ct results, I heard the word calcified in there and just went with it, even though she clearly said non-calcified. I usually take notes…something I need to do more often.
I’m scarfing down peanut butter cups by the handful, so typing is taking a while here…
I don’t need to panic still…the doctor today isn’t super concerned, but now I need a really scary, invasive needle biopsy of the noodle. A radiologist does it via a ct scan somehow, probably through my back. Trouble is the noodle is near a rib, and I guess there’s also a large ARTERY in the way. I guess I’ll be doped up for the party, I’m asking for knocked out completely.
I’m trying so hard to keep my head up, but I’m getting really burned out. I have so many doctors I’m getting them confused. I spent all morning on the phone with my new insurance company because they don’t cover a medication I’ve been taking for 9 months already. No matter what anyone says to reassure me, nothing helps. I think part of the reason I’ve been so positive throughout all if this is because I told myself it would all eventually be over and I could go on with my life and never look back. I know that’s still on the horizon, but it’s taking longer than I thought.
The ct biopsy won’t be for a couple of weeks, so guess what, more waiting.
I think I can, I think I can, I think I can….
Lesson learned...listen carefully and take notes when talking to doctors!!, 
9 comments)
11.07.06 
Thanks for your support - 
Tanya – Yes you can, you can, you can! Try not to think about it until the day it will occur, (Okay you can think about it the night before.) Insist they knock you out. Tell them you’ll panic and get real wild if they don’t.
Sometimes you wonder if it will ever be over with. Then one day you look and bingo! It’s done. One day you’ll be changing that messy diaper and stop and realize – I never thought this day would come and now I’m in the middle of it. Then you’ll hug your baby and tell her/him that mommy is special because she understands what pain and fear are and she understands what it really means to persevere. She has the gold medal.
Hugs!
Karen
Gal you are strogest person I know.
You will get through tis
I think about you every day.
Just close your eyes reach out I’ll be there.
Love coming your way. Both of you.
Sherri
You know what I mean Strong. LOL
Sherri
Tanya – hang in there. I know the good news, bad news, good news, bad news roller coaster must be emotionally exhausting. We are all here for you and thinking about you. You are strong and positive and you will do great.
If only emotional stamina were a prescription. You’ve been through a good bit, and every bit of it frightening no doubt but you can hang in there. :D I hope they can put you into a nice deep sleep, the idea of heavy anesthesia is always oddly comforting, no? You’ll do fine, I’ll be keeping you in my prayers.
I know you can. I know you can.
You’re the biggest fighter out there.
you can and you will.
You don’t need to be positive 100% of the time. Do not pressure yourself. It is pretty scary stuff you are dealing with. You can do it and you will do it. You already know that. But it is totally understandable that you don’t want to do it. It is cancer after all and it sucks.
Be well. Take care. and enjoy those peanut butter cups!
Hey Tanya – I think about you all the time. I mean, all the time. I checked your blog again today as I’m sitting here doing homework, and found your latest entry. Gosh, Girl! Another bump in the road! BUT - I agree with your friends completely – you CAN do this, and you WILL definitely get thru it. And we will all be with you every step of the way. Any time you feel alone, or just want company without talking about cancer and doctors, or just want someone to sit in the park with you for a little while, just call. So many people are rooting from you. And reading your blog is such a privilege – keeping up with your crazy round of ups and downs – and sharing it with you. And one of these days we will all have a GIGANTIC CELEBRATION PARTY, with you and Irvin at the center, and it will all be over. Until then, just hang on tight, and remember you are surrounded by Light and love and support from all of us. We’re right there with you guys…okay? Extra Hugs ~ Caryl and Doug
There’s no “I think I can” to it….it’s I KNOW I CAN….I KNOW I CAN….I KNOW I CAN!
If I can hang in here….so can you….
and….besides that…you have been an inspiration to soooo many of us out here…young and old alike…
You are how I keep my bravery with me too!
Much love,
Kleigh