Tanya's Cancer Blog

November 23, 2006

Happy Thanksgiving

Views: 127

Hope you are all well and with loved ones on this Thanksgiving day. Funny how the holidays are even more special to me this year… Good news, my bloodwork is ok this week, although my white bloodcell count is a little low, not surprising. To give you a reference, normal WBC range is 4.0 – 11.0. Before any chemo treatments mine was 8.0. Last Monday it was 3.2. Still ok, but a little low.

So I was looking back on all of my posts and everything seems so cheary! I have been really positive throughout this, but not all the time, promise. Yesterday is a good example so I’ll tell the story.

I think I always get a little funny leading up to my next chemo treatment, which is next Tuesday. I have to order $200 worth or prescriptions ahead of time just in case my insurance gives me a problem. And then I start to plan for feeling like crap for a week, and think what I’ll need ahead of time. I feel pretty good now, and sometimes forget that I even have cancer, except for my bald head. I guess thinking about the chemo treatment reminds me of what I’m actually going through. But, on the brighter side, after this one I only have one more left!

So then the next phase of all this happens… the dreaded hysterectomy. I’m in the process of scheduling it now, hopefully for the end of Feb. While this has made me see the light at the end of the tunnel, it has also lead to me see the long-term aspects of this ordeal. Infertility.

I’ve been in touch with two adoption agencies already, and we’re both incredibly excited about adopting as soon as we can. Yesterday I received a packet from an agency called MAPS right in Portland Maine. They contract with Guatemala, the country we’re most interested in adopting from. They have a foster care program so the children aren’t in orphanages for the several months after they’re born. It’s also possible to adopt infants, which is impossible in many other countries, and it takes less than a year usually. And we like the idea of having a hispanic baby since Irvin is Mexican. Travelling to pick up our child isn’t mandatory, we can pay $3000 to have an escort, but the country isn’t so far away that travel expenses would be too high. And of course spanish is Irvin’s first language.

One major drawback with Guatemala; it costs about $20k, at least. Other countries are A LOT less, China for example is under 10k, but they don’t often have infants, just toddlers. This is where “Why is life so unfair” starts to pop in my mind. Call me hugely selfish, but “I WANT A BABY!” And when I say baby, I mean under 1 year at least. It’s just sooooo unfair. Irvin and I will be the best parents. We’re so ready. We may not have all the money in the world, we don’t own a home, and we only have one car. Our credit isn’t so great, we struggle to pay the rent sometimes, I don’t have a job right now, and my work history/resume is what I would call “questionable”. These are things that adoption agencies, US Immigration, and mortgage companies care about. Even though we have NEVER in 3 years paid rent late, and our rent is higher than most people’s mortgages, it’s next to impossible for us to get a home loan. Ok, going off here a little…just a little ******-off.

So back to adopting. I know this already, and life never has been fair, but when I see these dumb, unappreciative, dirt-poor, parents with 6 children, pregnant again, I want to shake them and scream. So here are Irvin and myself, a stable couple, college educated, great values and morals, potentially amazing parents, and we have to pay tens of thousands of dollars and be scrutinized under a microscope in order to be parents at all. Then you see these crack addict mothers who give up their children only to come back years later saying they’ve “changed” and want their 3 year old back, and succeed.

Ok, I’ll stop soon, promise. Just one more thing. In order to adopt internationally, we need to “sponsor” the child in order for him/her to be able to “immigrate” into the country. So not only do we need to prove to the agency that we make enough money, but also to the US Immigration office. Believe me, we’re familiar with this process. We just had to do this for Irvin. Even though he came into this country as a college student 14 years ago, and has been here legally on a work visa ever since, we had to jump through hoops and pay $1000 for him to be able to stay here even after we were married. Irvin makes way more than I do, and has worked for a company for years, but they only cared about how much I made. Since I was a student for 2 years and then worked at a failing real estate business for a year after that, my financial history sucks to say the least. Thanks to my Dad (thank you again Dad), we were able to get Irvin his residency with my Dad’s co-sponsorship. Seem awfully ridicilous? Well, we have to do THE SAME THING to adopt a child internationally. What crap.

I’m positive 99% of the time. This is the 1%. I know we’ll figure it out, and I still beleive we’re meant to be parents, and one way or another we will be. Sometimes it just hits me how ****ing unfair it is.

Ok, I’m off to cook! I promise I’m not breaking things over this today, I’ll be fine.

Much love to all of you.

Posted on November 23, 2006 at 8:54:39 AM by Tanya ( Happy Thanksgiving, 2 comments)